An entire half of 2017 has gone by and what have I done? I have faced many new challenges, some of which were much harder to overcome than others. One thing that I have learned is patience. You must wait for the things that you desire most and no matter how badly you want them they will not come to you until they are ready. I like to reflect to prove to myself that I have grown and what I have taken on with that growth. This year I have become a more caring person, a strong one and a more passionate and driven person. I strive for the things that are out of my reach because I need these challenges to excite me, to bring me purpose.
For this half of the year I have taken photos using a disposable camera. I used it sparingly and only used it when I deemed it necessary. Many of the images I have forgotten about because they all seem to be from so long ago. It’s funny how we say time flies and yet when we look back on recents months we feel that they are so far away from us that we can no longer remember the content that filled them. I have taken so long to fill up the film on this roll because I wanted the images to be real, something that I can see and generate a memory or some sort of meaning towards. I still haven’t seen the images myself but am excited to reveal them. What did 6 months younger me deem important enough to photograph on a non-deletable device? Something I hope to be able to shed some light on soon.
I like to think that the images I made with this disposable camera are amateur, a stepping stone towards using film. I wasn’t thinking in a photographic sense when making these images, I simply took my camera out when and if I wanted to. When it felt like the right moment. Some of the images on here are really beautiful scenes of the island I am from. Many include my mother. It took something drastic for me to fully understand the kind of love I have for my mum. I never knew it existed until I thought I might lose her. I realised that I love my mum with all my being and it is this unconditional feeling and this feeling of so much love. I care so much for her, beyond words. At the beginning of the year I looked after her while she was recovering from a long time in hospital and it gave me a sense of purpose. I didn’t once get fed up or tired of it, I enjoyed caring for her. I seriously appreciate everything my mum does for me and I care for her so deeply that my heart kind of aches when I talk about it. The images I created were mainly inspired and surrounded by her, a kind of homage to her.
Upon looking at the images I really noticed a pattern. One of which started as quite dismal and sad, the images are all very dark and mysterious to then suddenly bright and happy. The first images were taken when my mother was in a coma and I felt lost. I felt like I had lost all sense of purpose and that nothing really mattered anymore. Until she woke up and was on the road to recovery. I did not make happy photographs until she was with me. The first image is that of the boats and the blue sky where I went with my mum, her best friend and her daughter and we just got some lunch together. It was a peaceful day. I didn’t realise while making all of these images that they changed in this way but I guess they really reflect my feeling. They give a physical embodiment to help express my lack of words at the time. I became a sort of mute when things got bad, I bottled myself up and that was how I coped. I kept myself to myself and that was it. These images really have helped me to express my thoughts. It’s amazing what stories images can tell, especially using film where you can’t edit or reshoot and change anything afterwards.