It’s crazy how a certain smell can really take you back to a time and place from your past. Just like a song or even a photograph can bring memories flooding back. I love that. Recently I’ve been feeling very nostalgic and looking back on old photos that hold so many memories for me. Part of me feels so happy when I reminisce and yet a small part of me feels a little sad because it’s all over. I look back on these times and think about what I used to believe and do. I used to be so carefree. I didn’t ever really see myself as a young woman, I never thought about it. I just ran around and did my own thing with no worries. I didn’t care for being in a relationship and I guess I didn’t need to because we were all quite innocent back then. I miss only ever feeling self conscious when picked upon in class or when walking on stage. Other than that I didn’t really feel too much pressure coming from peers or my family, I guess because I made sure that I wasn’t being pressured into doing things I didn’t want to do. I still am like that, I won’t let people try and force of manipulate me into doing things that I am uncomfortable doing. Some things never change.
I almost don’t recognise myself when looking at these photos. I feel that I have grown into such a different person inside and out. My style has definitely matured and grown into its own unique taste. I’ve lost and gained friends and learnt a great deal in my youth. I’ve also gained a lot of knowledge and have gone through some very important life lessons, ones that cannot be taught. The thing is, so many people wish they could have done things differently and yes there are thing’s that I wonder what if that had happened differently. But ultimately I wouldn’t have done it any other way because I had fun and even though people called me weird and tried to bring me down I didn’t care. I knew even then that my uniqueness scared others and people only try to break things that they don’t understand or that are different to how they are. I love that I was weird, it means I was authentically myself.
I don’t know why I’ve been feeling so nostalgic lately. Maybe it’s because I’ve been out of education completely for a year now and I miss hanging out with my buddies everyday in school and being a carefree young teen. I mean I’m still a teen but not for much longer. It can be important to reflect on how you have grown and changed over the years, just as it is important to realise when you are not changing and knowing that sometimes this isn’t a bad thing. Be honest with yourself and you won’t need to feel regret or unease. Learn that the only person you need to satisfy is yourself and you can’t live off hoping that others will give you the kind of love that you need to give yourself.