Never Growing Up

This idea came from a mini spontaneous photo shoot that I did recently. This project was actually part of a task set in a local workshop with photographer Clare Rae and to create a performative piece. We were tasked with coming up with three different images, one of which needed to be a self-portrait. I focused on that and created all of my images using myself as the subject. I came up with the concept of adolescence and how I myself feel conflicted about growing up and don’t want to even though it’s already in the process of happening. The images I have created are reflective of that push and pull feeling, that part of me is growing up and moving on but the other half doesn’t want to and wants to remain youthful and carefree. I really liked this concept as it was fun to create and run around different environments within the 2 hour timeframe we were given. For the whole process I took my tripod and usual DSLR camera and brought my sister along to press the shutter when I needed her to. I set everything up with the compositions and the ideas behind each image which was a challenging yet fun process. We went to a few different locations and I worked my body within the environment that surrounded me and found that I was left with very fun and interesting images.

Overall, the shoot was really fun and I’m happy with my outcomes and the concept behind these images. They resonate with me on a personal level and I like that they are a bit strange and my stances are unusual. I often worry about growing up and how it’s all happening so fast and without my control. This change will happen whether I want it to or not, in some ways it is good and focuses me to accept and to grow with the changes but on the other hand I am slowly leaving my youth and becoming more responsible. In a way I feel conflicted about my own freedom and how having all these responsibilities may make me feel confined and less able to creatively produce my own work. The future both scares and excites me at the same time, which is something I feel that many other young people at this stage in their lives will be thinking about. Change isn’t always good and it isn’t always bad, sometimes it is indifference, but we must accept and learn that eventually it will happen.

Regrets… (I have many)

There are some things in life that you just can’t help regretting, like asking out the guy you liked, not revising, spending money on random shit you never used, handwriting an essay (trust me your teacher lost it) or wearing that ugly bag dress. It’s the little regrets that we can’t help but think about in retrospect. You tend to wonder what would your life be like if you did(n’t) that one thing, how different would everything be now? I guess though, we have to look at it as everything happens for a reason or in some cases doesn’t happen. We move on eventually and realise that that one little moment didn’t really matter at all and in the end there are bigger issues to focus on. I do catch myself at times regretting little things, like a random moment will pop into my head from when I was like 12 and I can’t help but cringe and wish I did something differently. As painfully embarrassing and awkward our past is, we should’t regret the little stuff, at some point it helped us grow into the people we are today. Reflecting on things is always a good thing, you can always learn something from your past.

To the people that say ‘I regret nothing!’, you’re most likely lying to yourself. It’s seems to be human nature to go over things in your head and rethink scenarios, how you would do them differently and why the hell you did it in the first place. I try not to think about the little stupid things I’ve done but then I realise that I can’t help it and sometimes these events just pop into my head. It’s funny how our minds seem to work. They focus on the minuscule and sometimes they navigate to the negative. We feel embarrassment and regret because, in a way, we are vein. We care so much about how we are presented to outsiders looking in that we forget to just live our best lives and enjoy ourselves in every moment. We allow ourselves to be consumed by anxieties and thoughts that provoke us and force us to think mostly about our pride. So have those embarrassing moments and keep them as memories, don’t regret them, don’t wish that they never happened because in some twisted way or another they have helped to shape who you are today.